Neurodivergence, the Inner Critic and Building New Habits

Arielle Zimmerman, MSW, LCSW, CTP

Pronouns: she/her

Staff Psychotherapist

Every New Year, many people feel inspired to start new projects or routines. But come February, it can feel challenging to keep up with these habits, particularly because of the Inner Critic.

The Inner Critic and its role in sabotaging new habits

If you have Autism and/or ADHD, you are likely familiar with the Inner Critic, the voice in your head that is like a tiny spokesperson for capitalist productivity culture. 

The Inner Critic likes to set high, rigid standards to try to compensate for any struggles you have with attention, memory, or long-term planning. It uses strong emotions (mostly guilt, shame, and fear) to force you into doing what it thinks you “should” be doing.

But unfortunately, the Inner Critic actually weakens our motivation to stick with new habits. The Inner Critic often pushes our nervous system into fight/flight/freeze mode, causing the prefrontal cortex– the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving, planning, and rational decision making– to shut down. This makes it harder to initiate and complete tasks. As time goes on, you will avoid engaging in the task more and more, until eventually you abandon it altogether.

If this hypothetical scenario is familiar to you, remember that your brain is doing exactly what it’s meant to do. Of course you are going to try to avoid doing anything that fills you with shame, guilt, and fear, when it is already hard enough to get stuff done. And it also makes sense why you have adapted to be so hard on yourself in a world that teaches us that self worth equals productivity. It’s okay to be understanding with yourself, or at the very least, to know that this response is normal.

So, how do you cope with the Inner Critic, and find better sources of motivation? There are three essential skills you can use to cope with the Inner Critic. These are mindfulness, internal boundaries, and grounding:

1. Use mindfulness: 

a. Stop what you’re doing, and notice the Inner Critic. What is it saying to you? How does your body feel when it says those things?


b. Say to yourself something like “I notice the Inner Critic is coming up, and it’s making me feel _____.” 


2. Set an internal boundary by either directly asking the Inner Critic to move farther away from you, visualizing a wall in between you two, or imagining putting all the painful feelings in an airtight container 

3. Use grounding skills if your body is in fight/flight/freeze mode. There are many different ones to try, like box breathing, body scan, or 54321.

4. Once you are feeling more centered, proceed with whatever you were wanting to work on! 

Though these skills can help you respond to the Inner Critic in the moment, the long term goal is to cultivate more positive sources of motivation that don’t involve shame, guilt, or fear.

Therapist Dr. Megan Neff writes about how neurodivergent folks are often motivated by novelty, passion, and a deep interest in specific topics. She suggests modifying your new habits to include elements of one, or multiple, of these categories. For instance, if you enjoy competition and want to read more books, you can set a personal reading challenge on a platform like Goodreads. Or, if you love listening to music and want to set a goal to exercise more, you might cultivate a playlist of songs that make you want to move. 

It’s also common as a neurodivergent person to not be totally clear on what you are interested in, or what approaches motivate you. This is why it’s so important to open up more space for exploration without the Inner Critic’s oppressive influence. These are great topics to explore with other neurodivergent peers, or with a neurodivergent affirming therapist.

Contact us today if you’d like to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey towards healing and recovery. You deserve validation, understanding, and compassionate care.

At Sage Stone Counseling, we hold that everyone should have the right to mental health care. We focus on providing affirming and safe therapeutic space to marginalized groups of all kinds, and are here to help. If you or a loved one is seeking support from a therapist, consider contacting us today. 

Resources:

https://neurolaunch.com/fight-flight-freeze-brain/

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/working-with-your-interest-based-nervous-system